Girl's Revenge
by dont we all love david
Summary: When The Doctor and Jack break the only working hair dryer on the Tardis, what's a girl to do? Take revenge of course! Rose, Martha, Donna and Sarah Jane, all completely drunk, create a list of revenge acts and act them out. Simple yet hilarious!
1. Chapter 1

I was watching the flinstones marathon on channel 99 and because of the boredom and the fact that my eyes were beginning to glaze over, I started to wonder what would happen if it was the cast of Doctor Who and Torchwood instead of Fred and Barney.

Dumb and crazy ideas, I know, but its fun to imagine and for as long as the Flinstones will be hijacking my eyes and killing the last bunch of brain cells that I have, I'll be writing this.

Prologue

Four young attractive women were sitting at a small table in southern London, enjoying their ladies night out.

Their names were Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble and Sarah Jane Smith. Its quite obvious to all of those who were near them that they were quite drunk.

This was noticeable because the loudest of the group, Donna, had just decided to create a list of things to do in revenge to the two males on the space ship they were staying on as punishment for breaking her hairdryer. The others agreed instantly, because she was the only one with a hairdryer.

The list now runs as shown:

Get the Doctor pissed and dress him up like a girl and put him in Jacks bed!

Dress the Doctor in pink stilettos, dye his hair pink and drop him off in Downing street!

Ask to go camping and move Jack and the Doctor's tents into the lake!

Make Jack think he's getting fat!

Paint both of them green!

Dress them up as vampires and super glue the fangs in their mouths!


	2. Dress the Doctor up as a girl 1

Girl's Revenge Chapter Two

Dress the Doctor like a woman and put him in Jack's bed and wait...

Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…

Just so you know, the only people on the Tardis are Jack, Rose and the Doctor. Martha's married, so she's with Tom, Donna's engaged with some guy who for this story will be called Salvatore, because I like that name and Sarah Jane's got problems of her own and said she didn't want to join the crew.

This started off funny, but a little bastard named vista began playing a certain song and now its kinds depressing and I don't know how to change it. SO THERE. Add that to the fact that I'm not really having a good day…

Jack's POV

I stretched my arms, hoping to be rid of my horrible hangover soon. I never liked being hung over. Liked being drunk though. When people are drunk, they sleep with anything. I got most of my business when I was drunk.

I turned over and saw the most beautiful woman in my bed. She had the smallest waist in all of existence and her ass was TINY! She was HOT! I wonder though, why on earth is she wearing clothes?

However did she resist my irresistible Harkness charm?

Probably the gallons of alcohol that she drunk, I can smell it coming off her in waves. Not the best thing to smell when you wake up, but at least she's good looking.

I stood up, stretched again, why bother having guns if you cant stretch them out and make the ladies swoon?

I leaned over to her, brushing the hair out of her face and screamed.

"WHAT THE FUCK? DOCTOR?"

I watched in horror as his eyes opened slowly and looked at me blearily.

"What's the problem now? Cant the world save it's self for once?", he said slowly as his hand came up to his head and looked around the room.

"Mind explaining why I'm in your bed?" he asked, grimacing as he looked at his clothes.

"And why I'm wearing Rose's dress?"

"A better question actually, would be how that dress fits you, since Rose was complaining that it was to small for her", I stated as a slight smile appeared on my lips. I walked to the bathroom, ready to start what would seem to be one crazy day.

The chaos will never end will it?

Doctor's POV

I pulled myself up, trying to resist the urge to throw up all over Jack's sheets. It wasn't the situation that made me want to spill an entire nights worth of alcohol over the sheets, but this migraine that had suddenly ingrained itself into my skull the minute Jack decided to start my day with screaming my name.

Oh crap, that sounded dirty. Really dirty. Oh god, I'm turning into Jack.

I got up, stretching my legs as I fell in a heap of limbs to the floor.

Not exactly graceful, but these stilettos are freakishly tall! And they're too small.

How does Rose run in these shoes?

I think Jack heard me fall over because his head poked out of the door and he winced as he saw me crumpled on the floor.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt", he whispered, as my vision suddenly went blurry. Not good.

"Jack?", I asked, trying to not sound like there was something wrong, which there was and he most probably knew. He always knew, but that was why he's immortal. Everyone wants to kill him.

We could set up a universal darts game, but make Jack the dart board and its 300 credits to enter. Rassilion, if I got four hundred people who hate Jack and that's 400 times 300, that's 120,000 credits.

Rose would like it, she'd buy all the chocolate she could lift from that little bakery near Delta 3.

"Doc? Are you alright? You were just staring into space", Jack asked as he knelt down, looking at me carefully.

"Um, yeah, I'm okay", I sighed as I got up, rubbing the back of my leg as my fingers felt the injury those bloody stilettos gave me. Jack's eyes widened as he was what my fingers were holding and ran to the bathroom and got a load of bandages.

"Jack, it's a scratch, remember? I'm not dying", I said as I limped into the bathroom, pushing him out, to his fury.

"Your hurt, so let me fix it", he whined as I took out the sonic screwdriver and locked the door.

"Let me in!" he cried out, obviously worried I was going to do something stupid.

Go away, I thought as my vision began to fade, and I sunk to the floor again. Uh oh.

Rose's POV

I was having the time of my life. I was on this beautiful little beach with a Hawaiian hut behind me and I was currently in the process of kissing the Doctor into submission as somebody shook me out of my dream.

"Mnn, nugh, not now, Jack, I was having a really nice dream", I mumbled as my head started to hit the pillow again.

"Rosie, you'll only be able to see the Doctor in your dreams if you don't come with me", I whispered into her ear as her eyes opened and she shot out of bed. She looked at me one eyebrow raised as she looked at me.

"Look, all I did was put him into your bed. Its not my fault you killed him, so don't come here, expecting me to help you get rid of the body", I yawned as he rolled his eyes, grabbing me hand and puling me towards his room.

"This has to be the most forceful attempt to get a girl into your bed hasn't it? " I asked as he opened the door and turned the door handle to his bathroom. Locked.

"Jack, if he's locked himself in your bathroom, just get the spare key and.." I muttered as Jack took he face in his hands and kissed my forehead.

"You, Rose Tyler are a bloody genius", he smiled as he grabbed the key from his bedside table and opened the door to the bathroom and I gasped.

"What happened to him", I whispered as I looked at him. The Doctor was lying on his side, in front of the bathtub, as if he were asleep. His hands were clammy as I reached for them and his face was pale. He had the same expression on his face as when people he knew died and it wasn't one that I liked to see.

Jack's POV

I walked over to the doctors pale form and slowly slid my hands underneath his waist, raising him up to chest height. I felt slightly guilty, if I had remembered the key was there, then he wouldn't be like this, I would have gotten to him faster I would have…

"Jack", Rose interrupted, as I remembered her presence and exited the bathroom, Doctor in arms.

AN: At this point, Jack is bridal style carrying an unconscious Doctor who is wearing a dress, rose in tow. This has to be the weirdest thing I've ever thought up.

Back to the story!

We walked to the small room that the doctor used as a hospital in case of emergencies or if one of use had the flu. I laid him carefully on one of the beds and I looked at Rose. She hadn't a clue what to do and tears were slowly seeping down her face.

I pulled over one of the computers over to the doctors bedside and flicked the switch to turn it on. It asked to insert a vial of the Doctors blood to test and Rose pulled a syringe from a table and pushed it into his arm, slowly taking blood. She removed it and placed it on the computer, quietly muttering "If he were awake, he would he fighting us all the way", as another lone tear streaked down her face as I pulled her into my arms. The computer chimed as its prognosis could be seen.

Rose's POV

Oh my god.

I read the screen as the blood drained from my face, more tears escaping as I realised what was wrong. A temporary reduction in blood flow and a shortage of oxygen to the brain.

I grabbed the Doctors hand, reading the rest of the writing as I began to laugh.

Jack looked at me, wondering what was going on and I read the rest out.

"He's had a syncope, a black out from pulmonary hypertension, from having high blood pressure. From being stressed!" I laughed as Jack took hold of my hand and I began to stop laughing and more tears broke through.

"He's going to be fine Rose, he's going to be alright" Jack whispered as he took me tighter in his arms.

Doctor's POV

Ugh, my head really hurt, those extra tequila's last night only made this migraine extra bad. The sound of crying only made me feel worse, hoping something bad didn't happen. I opened my eyes, squinting as the sight of rose crying onto jacks shoulder as he saw me conscious.

He nudged Rose, turning as I winced. Jack immediately ran over to my bedside when he saw that. Damn him.

"Do you know what happened?", he asked, a look of sincerity on their face's as I blearily shook my head. Jacks look of sincerity vanished as an evil smile replaced it.

He sighed dramatically as he pulled a chair next to my bed and cocked his head.

"You, fainted. In my bathroom. I had to carry you hear bridal style when you were wearing a dress and the last one, the reason? Do you want to know?" he asked as a look of anger crossed my face as I got up and stalked out of the med lab.

I just blacked out and he had the nerve to start laughing?

Ignoring the pained shouts from Jack and Rose, I walked the darken halls, retuning to the one place they hadn't been before. My room. Don't know why they haven't been in here before, they've been everywhere else. Including the attic, which I told them not to go in, because of the bear. But the did. And jack died. Twice.

I sighed, releasing the breath I hadn't realised I was holding. I turned the door handle, greeted by the sight of four hundred years worth of mess.

Rose would be horrified if she saw this, I thought, walking over to my closet, taking out a pair of MY clothes. Rassilion forbid I wear this dress for a minute longer.

I changed into a black shirt and a pinstripe pair of pants and sat down at the old piano in the corner of my room and began to play a tune.

"I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

Jack's POV

I was walking down the hallway, calling out his name. I really didn't mean to be rude, but I thought it was funny and I'm sorry, I thought as I suddenly heard singing.

"Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty  
in the moonlight  
overthrew you  
She tied you  
To a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne,  
she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

Rose's POV

I was sitting on a plastic chair in the med lab as a song came through the door. I stood up, knowing where he was. I walked out the door, listening to the song.

"Maybe I've been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

Narrator's POV

The song blew down the hallway, drawing in both Jack and Rose to its artist, like a butterfly to a Tulip.

"There was a time you'd let me know  
What's real and going on below  
But now you never show it to me do you?  
Remember when I moved in you?  
The holy dark was moving too  
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above  
And all I ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
It's not a cry you can hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"

They approached the door and peeked in through the open door, listening to the end of the song.

"Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

The Doctor stood up from the piano an smiled as he noticed his two guests.

"You can come in if you like, I'm not radioactive", he called out as the door opened and Rose and Jack walked in.

"Why haven't you ever told us you could sing?" Rose asked as she sat on his bed, looking around the room as the doctor sat back at the piano, shutting the lid.

"Well for one, you never asked and why are you doing that Jack?" he asked his friend, who was currently in the act of going through his desk.

Jack turned and blushed.

"You've seen our room's, so now when I get the chance to see yours, I'm going to ransack it and see what you've got in here", he smiled as he turned back around, picked up a sheet and gasped.

"Where did you get this?", he asked, running up to the Doctor holding up a piece of sheet music and waving it around madly.

"That was something I created when I was stuck in the fifty-first century. Why?" he asked as the paper dropped the ground.

"You created it?" he asked as the Doctor nodded.

"My mother used to play this", he muttered as the Doctor smiled.

End of chapter two.

THE NEXT ONE WILL BE FUNNY...


End file.
